


Don't Leave Me Alone Here

by WldCatSprStr_14



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 16:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WldCatSprStr_14/pseuds/WldCatSprStr_14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has his heart broken for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me Alone Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soundoftrees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundoftrees/gifts).



> Unbeta'd. This is a lot sadder than I think you asked for and I almost cried the whole time I was writing it. I hope you like it bb!

Arthur isn’t shouting or throwing things. He hasn’t reached for his sword and he hasn’t called for the guards. He’s not sure _why_ he isn’t doing any of those things. He really should be.

His manservant. The man who he though was his best friend. His--

 _His Merlin._

Arthur hasn’t looked at Merlin once since he walked into his chambers and saw Merlin light the fire with a wave of his hand. Merlin had jumped up and started trying to explain but Arthur had found he couldn’t bear to hear him speak.

 _“If you say one more word to me right now, I cannot promise that I will not hurt you. If you value your life, do not test me.”_

Merlin’s mouth had snapped shut at that and he’s been silent ever since. So has Arthur. He’s been trying to think, just trying to understand. _Why._

Most of all, he’s just trying to control himself because he knows that if he lets himself lash out, he’s going to do something that he will always regret. He’s absolutely positive that he could kill Merlin right now.

He’s never felt so hurt, so utterly _betrayed_ , not with Morgana, or Gwen, or Agravaine. It’s not the magic. As confused as he is right now, Arthur knows that Merlin could never be anything like the sorcerers that he has faced in the past. He knows that Merlin would never use magic to hurt him.

“You lied to me.”

No, the betrayal isn’t in the magic. The thing that tears at him, that he doesn’t think he’ll ever understand, is the fact that Merlin really believed that he couldn’t tell Arthur about this. That he’s looked Arthur right in the face and _lied_ about so much. He was the only one left that Arthur was sure that he could trust and now he’s given Arthur a reason to doubt.

“I trusted you,” Arthur says and the tone of his voice is so alien to him that, for a minute, he’s not quite sure it’s him speaking.

He’s been staring out the window with his back to Merlin this whole time and he doesn’t turn around when he hears the first sob. He’s never been able to bear Merlin’s tears because someone as loyal and good as Merlin should never have to cry about anything. Arthur can’t help remembering a time when he would have done anything he could to stop Merlin’s tears, would have taken up his sword and fought _anything_ if he never had to hear Merlin cry again. And then he can’t help thinking that that time seems so far away now and it only takes him a moment to realize that his own face is wet.

 _So this is how it feels to have your heart broken._

Arthur thought he’d learned what that meant when he watched Gwen wrap her arms around Lancelot like he was the only thing in her world but now he knows that that was just a minor hurt, the kind of hurt you feel when you don’t know that anything in the world could feel worse.

A wave of grief like he’s ever felt before suddenly overtakes him and Arthur has to brace himself against the pane of the window when his knees threaten to buckle beneath him.

 _What am I supposed to do now?_

Arthur doesn’t think he’s ever felt more alone than he does right now and that’s something he never thought he’d feel with Merlin so close by.

“I trusted you with _everything_ ,” Arthur says, his voicing cracking under that strain of unshed tears, “every secret, every fear that I’ve ever had, and you lied. I shared my whole life with you, my bed, my love, gave you _everything_. How could you?”

The final question comes out as a barely audible whisper. Merlin is close behind him now, Arthur can feel him there and he’s comforted by Merlin’s presence in spite of himself. When Merlin’s hand touches his shoulder, Arthur tries to shrug him off but it’s half-hearted. He’s just so tired and he lets himself be turned around and he’s suddenly face-to-face with with his whole world and it looks like it’s falling apart.

Merlin’s face is splotchy, his cheeks wet and his eyes red-rimmed. He looks like Arthur feels and Arthur can’t stop himself from taking Merlin in his arms. Merlin collapses against him, clinging to Arthur’s tunic and Arthur clings back.

“So sorry. Please. Wanted to tell you. Love you so much,” Merlin mutters, his word choked up and broken through with sobs. He’s trembling as he tries to catch his breath and he never stops begging Arthur the whole time. “Don’t make me leave you. Need to be with you. _I can’t._ ”

Arthur isn’t really listening to him and Merlin’s words run together in Arthur’s mind. Arthur doesn’t really need to listen to him, has already made up his mind since the very first moment he walked through the door.

He loves Merlin too much, the pain in his heart a testament to just how much. Merlin is the last real thing he has in this world and he know they’ll get past this. He doesn’t know how long it will take but he knows he’ll forgive. The feel of Merlin in his arms and the scent of Merlin, earthy and familiar in the air, has him halfway there already. He’s hurt and he’s tired and he may never look at Merlin the same way again but he knows that he could never do without him.


End file.
